There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
not ubering you a puppy
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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