I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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