I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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