I'm sorry my penis didn't work
accomplished twins. life is a go
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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