john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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