i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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