Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize