My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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