sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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