My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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