Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
