real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He kissed a someone with a penis
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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