I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize