Where is the hickey?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
