I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
