I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
