Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
