the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
