69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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