so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
