I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
