hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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