Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
