...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize