Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
