A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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