I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
