M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
