oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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