I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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