yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
