guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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