You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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