Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
