Where is the hickey?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
being pregnant is like rehab
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
