I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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