your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
