my mouth tastes like poor choices
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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