And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
