But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
