Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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