every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
