Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
