They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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