We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
