I just made out with a guy for $7.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
