Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize