I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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