i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
