fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize