Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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