You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize