wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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