Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
