i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
