im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
