I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize