like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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