6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
