1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
