just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize