Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
