I'm lost and stupid without you.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
