OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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