I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
