mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
