well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
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