I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm sobbing to NWA
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
