Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
