i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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