i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
