Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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