Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
