i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Randomize
