Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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