Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
