Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
