dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
