I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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