he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
